I wrote a lot over the months, but never got to type any of it. I have this lovely hard-cover notebook I carry around all the time, and I even switch to English when I write something in it I intend to transfer later to this blog, but… But.
In May, I spent some days in Porto, city of dreams and saudade – and it was when my return flight landed that I felt, for the first time, at home here. Not, of course, because of any factual change in my relationship with the city, but because it hit me that I’d better, if I’m truly to stay here. And stay I will, for a good couple of years at least.
I visited an amazing number of cities starting with ‘B’ this summer: Budapest, Berlin, Budapest, Bari, Budapest again, Barcelona… then I stopped, these days I go to Lille every month for dance workshops. It’s almost always for dance that I travel, or maybe Toastmasters, as was the case with Porto.
I even went to dance competitions, a great re-start for me, for the one and only time I took part in a solo contest was almost 10 years ago and was a disaster. Third time the charm, they say, or fourth if I count that distant and disastrous first Now I’m faced with the dilemma of what to do with the three not-so-decorative trophies currently residing on my bookshelf without offending anyone, but avoiding at the same time the obligation of regularly dusting them. Don’t get me wrong: I’m truly happy and proud of the achievment, it’s the objects that give me pause.
I still don’t find my balance, try as I might, but I do keep on trying anyway. What else can I do. I try to sleep more, experiment with my eating habits, mostly with cutting sugar completely off my diet.
Changes are brewing. I prefer neat ends, clean cuts, big launches (or even: re-launches) – but clean endings do not exists, changes need to mature, and big (re-)launches need to be heard about beforehand to be interesing, not to mention that the bigger they are, the more spectacularly they crash if they run out of fuel too early, which, in my, case, they tend to do. I’ve been thinking a lot about what to do with this blog, and I’m still not sure. I find it difficult to talk about plans, especially half-formed ones. I’d love to have your opinions, though.